July 26, 2018
I just woke up from a dream I had. It’s similar to the ones I’ve had before. Elizabeth and I both went to jail (or some weird version of jail with an airport and restaurants). She wouldn’t talk to me or acknowledge me in any way, although I earnestly spoke to her and pleaded for her to listen.
It wasn’t out of desperation. In fact, this is the same sort of dream I used to have with Nell where she would ignore me, except those dreams physically wrenched my guts and put me in a cold sweat. This particular dream wasn’t so impassioned, but when she did ignore me, there was more of a dull feeling of disappointment.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve put up a shield, or if it’s because of the nature of the relationship we had. It’s still my worst nightmare to be ignored by the people I love. She gave me the attention I always yearned for, but I guess we didn’t have the right chemistry or the spark.