September 13, 2017
It’s the title to one of Mark Knopfler’s songs. It tells a tale of a man who’s conquered the world, ascended to the realm of gods, and is destined to be known throughout history. Yet he sits from somewhere up above with the lights of Taormina before him, dwelling on the regrets of his youth, when life, love, and laughter meant everything.
A similar song Silver Eagle, hits home for me. A star on a tour bus drives by the home of a girl from his past. The price of moving forward is all the people you have to leave behind.
My problem is that no matter how hard I try, I can’t let go of what used to mean the world to me. But I don’t want to forget. I’ll hang on until I absolutely can’t hang on anymore. If not physically, then mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
There’s a phenomenon called hit-it-and-quit-it. Where you court someone until you have sex, and then cut all contact. A friend from work fell victim to it for the first time in her life recently. I feel terrible for encouraging the relationship because I thought it was a healthy budding romance. She feels tricked, and I’m disappointed in my judgment for not being able to spot a scumbag.
But why? Maybe it happened to him once. And he felt wronged and vengeful, feeling like he wasn’t enough of a man. It was a blow to his masculinity and ego. He felt pressure from his peers and anger towards women, and decided to dish it back out. Maybe he just wanted sex. Maybe he just wanted to feel cool and accepted by his bro’s. I don’t know. I’m projecting what I’ve felt before in my younger days.
I do know that it’s easy for her to become bitter and jaded quickly. It’s too easy for her to start hating men. It wasn’t a sad breakup after a year of dating. It was a vicious and heartless act of deception that took place in a matter of a few weeks. It’s too easy for her to become overprotective of her heart and her feelings. He stole her naivety and took advantage of it.
Maybe that’s what the hit-it-and-quit-it culture is about. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle of victims trying to protect themselves by becoming the perpetrators. You don’t want to get hurt again, so you do it to others before they can do it to you. You can’t get hurt if you never truly trust anyone. I’m not saying trust everyone. I’m saying be smart about it.
I read a great quote by Stephen Hawking today. He said, “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” Train your judgment to react correctly, not avoid this problem all together.
I’m overprotective of my heart and my feelings… that’s probably why I came to all these deductions. Like in the dream I had four months ago, I’m terrified of putting my faith in people only to be let down. I’m terrified of investing my trust and love into someone and having it stepped on. I’m terrified of getting hurt.
Clutching the memories in your heart is easier than adapting to the change that life brings. But if you just let go of the memories, one day you’ll end up looking down upon the lights of a town in Italy with your eyes full of regret.
One day I’ll cross that town wearing a king’s crown. And all the life, love, and laughter I’ve ever enjoyed will be following right behind me through both dreams and myths, the chimes of history ringing in our ears.