March 28, 2026
“I know who you are.”
That’s what I want to say to her.
Not to her, whom I knew in a past life,
but to her, whom I’ve built, painted, and created over the years.
The one whose light guided me when I wandered lost in the abyss.
The one who watched when I struggled and cried, asking what I’ve done to deserve this.
The one who filled me with warmth, joy, and compassion when I decided to indulge.
The figure, shining from atop the stairs,
looking down into my eyes,
daring me to live.
It’s me.
(or, it’s I, if you want to be a stickler about grammar)
“You are me”
“You are I”
or simply, “We are”
or even simpler, “I am”
Nietzsche declared the concept of God was dead…
that we should create our own image of something to strive for…
our own “personal” God — the Übermensch.
Perhaps it’s instinctual, the will not just to survive, but to thrive…
the will to “power”, as he put it.
I’ve spent a lot of time admiring others,
seeing the wonderful qualities they had,
but which I lacked in myself.
Well, I thought I lacked.
They were already present, dormant, yearning to be set free.
The most compelling of these qualities crystalized in Danika,
whom I knew for a short period (in the grand scheme of things).
Yet, it was an extremely impressionable one.
The image I created of her in my imagination was based on her,
but ultimately evolved into something else.
I saw my own potential of whom I could be,
of whom I could become.
All the wonderful qualities I saw in her were just waiting to be released in me.
In her, I saw my Übermensch.
I saw this in others, too.
In Ashley, in particular, who was the key in unlocking my happiness.
But in every example, the emotions I felt originated entirely from my brain alone.
I had the power within me already.
When I met Megan, I was in the middle of this journey.
I think I became part of her Übermensch.
Danika was to me what I was for Megan.
Danika (the real one) was mostly unavailable…
emotionally, spiritually, and practically in that she often just wouldn’t pick up the phone.
The uncertainty was difficult to navigate, and I didn’t want to do the same to Megan.
However, while I was with her, I forbid myself from ever thinking about Danika.
And as a result, I stopped growing.
I stopped honoring the potential in myself.
And, I wondered why I was so discontent.
I tried so hard to be the person I thought Megan needed me to be,
that I forgot about the person that I needed me to be.
The irony is that I could only start to become that person once we broke up.
Now, finally, I feel that I’ve come to an understanding.
I don’t feel so confused as I once did.
The frustration has dissipated.
Of course, I’m still growing… always.
But, I’ve come to a point where I feel… ready.
Prepared.
Like, I can handle whatever is thrown at me by the world.
Like, I’ve beaten the tutorial and levelled enough to finally start playing the game.
Maybe that’s what my traveling is about — to see who else is playing.
My usual style is to make sure I can solo the entire game first.
But… there are some games or raids that require teammates.
In that case, I’ve got a lot of experience finding the right types of people already.
The hard part is over.
Now, we play!